I now come with a Disclaimer.

I’m new to this whole blogging thing. I’ll be honest, it’s not something I had planned on ever doing. I have been a journal-writer since I was 8 years old. Writing has always been my way of processing my world. It’s never something I ever imagined I’d share with anyone. Everything I thought I ever knew about myself, the world, life, and the natural order of the Universe disappeared in a heartbeat – or more accurately, with the ceasing of a heartbeat.

On July 18, 2014 at approximately 10:15pm my 14 year old son Nolan stopped breathing. I will get into his story in another post. I promise. This is merely me saying to you, whoever you are (and does anyone actually read these blogs?) I’m here, I have a story to tell and a Journey to share. Before we get too far along, you should read my Disclaimer, so here it is:

If you see me, I may cry. If you talk to me, I may cry. If you look at me, I may cry. THAT’S OK. Please don’t let fear of my tears stop you from being around me. I might also, not cry. We might talk and I will run out of things to say. That’s ok. It’s not you. Seriously. You might be afraid of saying the wrong thing to me. Don’t worry. I’ll more likely say the wrong thing to you. My filters are GONE. If you complain about how your “life sucks,” I’m probably going to point out that your kids are alive. Your life doesn’t suck. My perspective has changed. On everything. Go ahead and say Nolan’s name. I will. I might cry, but THAT’S OK. If you see me out, I probably look like crap. I don’t care about my appearance or what I wear. If you’re lucky, I’ve showered. Don’t judge. I’m using every ounce of energy to just get out of bed. I don’t have any to spare on pretenses. I’m different than I was, and I don’t even know myself well right now. I will probably offend you with some of my opinions and thoughts. Too bad. I will never knowingly say something hurtful, but my Journey is emotional and raw and honest. It’s likely that I will say something that will trigger your own issues. That’s your problem. I have enough of my own.

So there you have it. A disclaimer. A warning. I don’t know where I’m going, and this is not going to be a pretty view.

Reader Beware.

11 thoughts on “I now come with a Disclaimer.”

  1. I’m here. I’m waiting to see what you share. You will never offend me because I know where your heart is.. I’m here. Always my friend. You will always be that beautiful … Inside and out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Disclaimer and all….I love you! It turns out, I believe we all should come with a warning! I hope in this journey you find peace and may you rediscover yourself! I’ll be watching! Much love to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, and Thank you for sharing your story. I am following your Blog as well. Your writing is engaging and simply elegant. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. It is the most excruciating initiation into a club that nobody ever wants to join.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m listening. Bring it on. Btw, It’s not the way you look that makes you beautiful, it’s your strength, your honesty, your experiences, your willingness to see what’s REALLY happening to your heart, your super momness(not a word, I know) with your other perfect children, let’s not forget you ARE one hot Grandma too! You never look like crap. YOU, make you, beautiful.

    Like

  4. Amy, I truly think we all come with disclaimers. But it’s nice to see one posted and put out there. I love what you are doing here. I love that you are putting yourself out there to heal through words and your journey. I am not sure if this helps but I have been building my life back from the age of 13. I would love to talk about it with you sometime if you wanted to know. I think I can help you. It’s not easy, nor will it ever be. But it’s a one day at a time process. I am looking forward to more of what you have to say. Great job on your first of many 😉 Love, Kerri

    Like

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