Today started out as usual. The alarm goes off and I hit snooze. It went of again, and I hit snooze. The third time’s the charm. The alarm goes off and I let it play to try and wake Li’l N up. We’re laying there, listening to music. I even put on his station to try to keep his attention from drifting back to sleep. Neither of us are morning people. It was always Nolan who got his little brother up in the morning, not always in the nicest way either. Most days in our previous life started with screams of “M-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M!” and “NOLAN STOP IT!” I’d go upstairs and find Li’l N’s blankets in heap on the floor or find his helpful big brother had dumped cold water on him in an honest effort to get them both to school on time. When school started this year, Li’l N was worried about how he would get up without Nolan “helping.” Honestly, I was too. Every morning now is a struggle.
This morning we are laying in bed, me poking at Li’l N, him squawking at me to leave him alone, and both of us listening to the radio. Some silly game comes on about “Name that Noise,” where the DJ’s play a noise and you call in to guess what it is. That got Li’l N’s attention, so I handed him the phone. He dialed and got a busy signal. He dialed again and got a busy signal. He dialed about 15 times and got a busy signal each time. I just casually said “Nolan, can you help your brother get through?” One guess what happened next. Li’l N dialed again and his face lit up. It rang and the DJ answered. They had already gotten a winner in the contest, but by that point it didn’t matter. I cried and Li’l N laughed. It proved to both of us, once again, that Nolan is right here. He is listening. He will always try to help where he can. Next time we need to be more specific in asking, “Can you help Li’l N get through and win??” Li’l N’s guess was correct, after all. This morning, we won so much more than a contest.
My life Since is a constant test of faith. I miss my boy terribly. I will always miss him. Having him with me in Spirit isn’t enough, but it’s all I have. His simple response to my offhand request this morning did a whole lot to strengthen my faith. Today I’m trying to stand strong. Today I’m talking to him like he’s right here next to me because maybe, just maybe, he is.